Here Is Gone
by Fallen-Angel189
Summary: Post HBP. What happened in the years after. Somewhat dark
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just the plot.

A/N: Set after HBP. No, I haven't forgotten my other stories. I will update them eventually. This was a spur of the moment thing so forgive me if it doesn't totally make sense. Will probably be no more then three or four chapters long. This isn't in any way connected to my other stories. Just to make things clear. R/R.

Chapter 1

June 21st

Five years. Five long years it has been since the final defeat. Five years since the famous Harry Potter, the Chosen One as they called him, finally ridded our world of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Five years later there are still few who are brave enough to speak his name. Five years since the Chosen One has said a word. Although not badly physically hurt, he relives that day over and over again. No one knows what he saw or what happened that day and I expect no one ever will.

Five years later the world is still coming to terms with their freedom. As for me? I guess in a way I am still mourning those that I lost – my family, my friends, and the love of my life. Five years later their deaths are still imprinted on my mind, as clear as the day they occurred. I guess that in some ways I am lucky – I didn't lose everyone – but I still feel more alone then ever. I looked at my life the other day and recalled something a dear friend told me many years ago. 'If there is nothing in your life worth dying for, your life is not worth living.' I thought to myself 'what are you living for?' The answer came to me immediately: the hope that even after all these years he may one day come back to me. That hope is dying. I don't know how I ended up here. Day after day I look at my reflection in the mirror and see those empty eyes. I see the life in them fading. I feel as though I can't hold on much longer. I can't wait around for him much longer.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Pain. Hate. Guilt. Lies. Sorrow.

Darkness. Never-ending. Death would be a blessing.

Pain. Hate. Guilt. Lies. Sorrow.

Nothing. Endless void of darkness. Sucking me deeper and deeper.

Pain. Hate. Guilt. Lies. Sorrow.

Etched into my mind. Into my skin. My life.

Pain. Hate. Guilt. Lies. Sorrow.

I want to die. I want to die. Trapped in my own prison. I want to die.

Pain. Hate. Guilt. Lies. Sorrow.

Living the past over and over.

Pain. Hate. Guilt. Lies. Sorrow.

I love her so much.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

June 22nd

I started this up as a form of therapy. It wasn't my idea. I was told to write my story in here. My story is nothing in comparison, but here goes:

After Dumbledore's death, Harry did return to school but continued searching for the horcruxes whenever possible. We got back together in his last year at my insistence. We were together until the end. One by one he tracked the horcruxes down and destroyed them. Ron, Hermione and I helped him as much as possible but we could only do so much. I don't know how he did it but somehow he managed to track down and destroy all the horcruxes. By the time he found the last few, Lord Voldemort had realized what was happening and placed more security around them, but each time Harry managed to outwit the Dark Lord and destroy the horcrux. It did, of course have an effect on Harry. More often then not he returned more dead then alive. He spent a great deal of time in St Mungo's. More then once the staff at St Mungo's hadn't seen anything like Harry's case and didn't know what to do. We almost lost him, but one way or another either we would bring him back or he would bring himself back to us. That was the one thing we could always count on: he would always come back.

It took him three years from Dumbledore's death, but he did it. In that time the world had basically collapsed. There were too many attacks for the newspapers to report. Both wizards and muggles were being killed. The world was in a panic. People were disappearing everywhere. At least the wizarding world had a reason, unlike the muggles who knew nothing of it. Bird flu, they called it. What an excuse.

Finally all there was left to destroy of the Dark Lord was his physical form. Harry didn't think he had made anymore horcruxes as there was nothing left of his soul to use. He left without us knowing. When I realized he was gone and raised the alarm we gathered together our remaining allies and prepared to fight the Final War as it later became known. We knew where to go. I don't know how, but we did. So I found myself standing in front of the empty Hogwarts castle once again. The school was closed the year before due to the fact that the majority of its students were dead. It reopened after the Final War, but that's another story.

We had low numbers in comparison to what we were met with. The sight was astounding. Me, Ron, Hermione, the Order, the rest of my family and a few of our classmates and a few others that wanted to help out against an army of trolls, inferi, dementors and many death eaters. I believe it was something like 100 of us to roughly 2,000 of them to begin with. I don't know how we made it out of there alive.

When we got there they were all over the Hogwarts grounds, as thankfully they were unable to get inside the castle. In the grounds a small circle had been formed in the crowd. Inside the circle was Harry and Voldemort himself. They seemed to be talking, but I couldn't hear what they were saying over the jeering of the death eaters. This was to our advantage as we were able to take them by surprise. We were overwhelmed. Harry was furiously dueling with Lord Voldemort, fuelled on by our support. We were joined by a few others on our side, eventually even some Centaurs, but we were still lower on numbers. I managed to take out quite a few death eaters and between me and a few others we managed to bring down two giants, but there were many more to take place.

There were flashes of green light everywhere. I turned just in time to see a shocked look on my mothers face and watch her fall. Around me my friends and family were dropping like flies. My vision was obscured by the tears streaming down my face. It was pure luck that I made it out alive. I fought as hard as I could to get to Harry. The battle between him and Voldemort was still going. As far as I could see, Voldemort wanted Harry to himself. He would not let the death eaters interfere. I managed to get within ten metres of Harry. I screamed out his name desperately. At the same time a jet of red light hit me from behind and I screamed in pain. His eyes flickered to me for a split second and that's all it took. Voldemort took advantage of that split second and they were both gone. There was a split second and half the death eaters disappeared too. Although my body was burning with pain I managed to stun a few more death eaters, but as my reaction time was slower I was hit by more and more spells. The pain was unbearable and I almost begged them to kill me, for some strange reason they didn't. Eventually I gave up and sank into the darkness that was in front of me, calling my name.

I woke many hours later in a pool of my own blood. I was weak. Very weak. It took all my effort to stand. There was a silence around me, the ground littered with bodies. I put my hand over the deep wound on my chest and walked through them, looking at the empty faces and pulling the masks off the death eaters. Amongst the bodies I found those of my parents and brothers and many of my friends. Remus Lupin was among them, his wife Tonks next to him. By the looks of it Tonks had been hit by a killing curse and Remus had bled out next to her. It was a gruesome sight. The images will never leave me. Colin and Dennis Creevey, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan, Katie Bell… they were all there, and many more. I found Ron and Hermione to one side, hands intertwined. To my surprise they were both alive, although barely breathing.

A sound near me made me look up, into the face of the Minister for Magic. Behind him was an army of 500 aurors. There was silence as they looked at the field before them.

"We're too late," was the only words spoken. "We're too late."

They began cleaning up in silence, taking into custody the bodies of death eaters and restraining the stunned death eaters. They took Ron and Hermione away, although I did not want to let them out of my sight, same with the bodies of my friends and family. They tried to take me to St Mungo's, but I refused to go. I needed to do one last thing, although barely able to stand. So I made my way through the bodies until I found what I was looking for. I found them behind one of the dead giants, blocked from view. They both looked dead, Voldemort face down, his left leg at a strange angle. Next to him lay Harry, eyes wide. On closer inspection I saw he was breathing shallowly. Hope rose in my chest. He was awake but he did not see me. He did not see anything, just lay there. I approached cautiously and whispered his name, but there was no reaction. I reached out and touched his warm skin lightly but there was still no reaction.

"Harry?" I asked louder. With no reply I stood and walked back around the giant, calling to the aurors. There was a stunned silence as they realized what they were seeing.

"So it's over?" one asked.

"It's over," I confirmed.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not my characters, but my plot.

Chapter 4

Must escape. Must escape. Must escape. Need to get out of this oblivion.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not my characters but my plot. Sort of.

Chapter 5

June 23rd

They moved Harry to St Mungo's with Ron and Hermione. Them and myself were the only survivors of the original army of that Final War. Ron and Hermione barely made it through but they eventually recovered. They spent three months in St Mungo's before finally returning home. They have not been the same since, but neither have I. I don't expect we will ever be the same again. We are all too traumatized. I spent only two weeks in St Mungo's as I was not too badly hurt physically. Most of those two weeks I spent in silence, staring out the window. I had no visitors as there was no one left to visit me. They gave me regular updates on Harry, who although was now fine physically, had not said a word or for that matter done anything at all since arriving.

The world was celebrating around us. I didn't care. I barely spoke, barely ate, barely did anything. When I was finally released I refused to speak to the press. I locked myself in my apartment, leaving only to visit St Mungo's. I sat for days by Harry's bedside, holding his hand and talking to him, longing to see something in those lifeless eyes. I never did. Ron and Hermione visited when they were released. We took turns sitting with him.

Time slipped by. We started spending less and less time by Harry's bedside. Life went on. Hermione became pregnant but miscarried. Apparently her body is still recovering and rejected the baby, or something like that. It hit both her and Ron hard. I still went every day to see Harry, but it became difficult as I had to work. I did not date. I couldn't bear to.

A year after the Final War they decided to release him into my care. I took him home with me and with help from the Ministry financially and a mediwitch who came in daily, I took over care of him. It wore me down but I kept at it and I still am. Four years later I still get up every day, feed him, shower him, talk to him… all with no response. I bought a muggle television for him to watch but I don' t think he sees it. I sit him up and he looks at it but never sees it. He has lost weight and his muscles are gone. He lies there, staring straight ahead, day after day. I feed him through a tube as he refuses to swallow. It breaks my heart.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my plot. Sort of.

A/N: Just to let you know the next chapters of my other stories are now in the works. I am setting up a forum for discussions on my stories. Please use them. I will check them regularly.

Chapter 6

June 30th

I think I'm going crazy. I got him up, showered, dressed and fed this morning and then I sat reading to him. After that I sat there and looked at him for awhile, seeing his messy black hair and thinking it was time for him to have a haircut. I kneeled next to him, brushing a lock of hair out of his face. His eyes did not see me.

"I love you Harry," I whispered. "Even if you don't know me. Even if you don't hear a word I say. Even if you never speak again or never recognize me again. I love you. I always have and always will."

I looked into his eyes and I swear there was a flicker of recognition. What shocked me most came next. He looked at me, his eyes full of pain and whispered only one word.

"Gin."

Then he was gone again. I was astounded. I was sure for a moment that I had imagined it. I called his name to him repeatedly, but there was no reply. I notified the healers at St Mungo and a mediwitch arrived immediately. She ran a dozen or so tests but came up with the same thing as every other test for the last five years had showed. Nothing.

I'm going insane.


End file.
